Peg Cheng

Author + Teacher

Peg Cheng

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The Benefits of Being Sick

Art by Julia Cejas

A week ago today, I was lying in bed in the emergency room of Swedish Hospital in Ballard, Seattle, with an IV dripping fluids into my veins.

You see, I had contracted some virus that gave me the shakes, hot flashes, and a fever for two days. On the third day, all those things went away but I was still weak. My hope rose like a freshly inflated helium balloon. I was getting better! Then it came crashing down on the fourth day when I got Montezuma’s revenge (aka. diarrhea) seven times. I had been down this road before and knew I was headed toward dehydration. So, I asked Marcus to take me to the ER, and even though I’m a needle-phobe, I willingly asked for an IV for fluids. The ER doctor praised me for coming in. An hour later, I felt better.

That night, I went six more times. That makes it 13 bouts of diarrhea in one day. Yep, lucky number 13.

But the IV fluids from before helped me from getting dehydrated, and the next morning, my mouth was drier than the Mojave, but I felt better.

While I was sick, I couldn’t sit up, couldn’t read, couldn’t even watch TV. All I did was lie on my bed, sleep, listen to podcasts, and think. I thought many thoughts. Many I didn’t want to think–racing, crazy-ass thoughts–but some made me think even more.

Thoughts like, when I get better, what do I want to do with my life?

Thoughts like, when I get better, what do I want my legacy to be?

Thoughts like, when I get better and can eat solid food, what’s the first thing I’m going to eat?

The answer to #3 was homemade chicken and vegetable soup. Good stuff. Highly recommend it.

The answer to #1 was I want to keep writing and keep building my writing business.

The answer to #2 was a little bit harder and took me a while to figure out.

By the seventh day of this illness, when I felt much better, I realized that what I wanted for my legacy was what I’ve been doing for much of my career: help people achieve their dreams.

Specifically, help people achieve their writing dreams. And even more specifically, help people in the beginning stage, when fear and doubt are loud and raging, and keeping you from venturing even a few paces down the path of being a writer.

I know that place. Intimately.

While I delight in talking shop with other writers, I don’t necessarily want to help people with the craft of writing. Don’t get me wrong, I love discussing story, armature, theme, character arcs, setting, and more, but what really lights me up is helping people break through their mental and emotional barriers to expressing themselves in a creative way.

I realized once again that this is what I had been doing for 12 years as a prelaw adviser when I helped students write their personal statements for law school. Writing the personal statement was the most scary and daunting of anything on the law school application–even more than the dreaded and terrible LSAT (Law School Admissions Test)–and it was the most rewarding for me to coach students through it, and help them get their stories out.

Many of my prelaw students told me the process of writing their personal statement was cathartic. It changed them, for the better. For many, writing a story about their life gave them courage to move forward. It also gave them a touchstone that they could read in coming years when they felt fear and doubt creeping in, or when they’d lost their way and needed to remember why they were on this path.

I didn’t realize when I closed my Prelaw Guru consulting company that I’d still want to do what I did with prelaw students, but with writers.

But when I opened my writing coaching business in January and started doing one-to-one writing coaching, the work focused more on the nitty gritty of the craft of writing. I realized that while I was good at it, and enjoyed working with my clients, it didn’t feel quite right. It felt too technical. It felt too much like homework. It made me realize that I may need to close my writing coaching practice. But to do what? I can’t just write, I need to do something that is of service to people. That’s important to me.

Because of this, I’ve felt at sea through all of August. I wasn’t sure where I was headed and it filled me with anxiety. Then, September came crashing in with that dang virus and tossed me out of the boat and into the waves. I swam and swam, and now I’m back in the boat and the shore is in sight.

I feel better. Tons better.

I have more hope now than I did before I got sick.

Being sick forced me to slow down and face my anxiety.

Change is coming.

I will hit land soon.

I’m no longer afraid.

I’m excited.

Stay tuned, friends.

Peg Cheng is the author of The Contenders, a middle-grade novel centered on the question, can enemies become friends? She is currently writing another novel that is a re-imagining of the Snow White fairy tale set in 1980s Seattle. Peg is also a writing coach giving help, encouragement, and feedback to writers from all walks of life.

Art by Julia Cejas.

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I’m Okay Being a Perfectionist

Art by Sveta Dorosheva

I remember when I was a kid I used to draw every day after school. If I didn’t like what I drew, I’d crumple up the paper and throw it away (this was before there was recycling–yes, I’m that old). Sometimes, I’d rip up the paper and throw it out (I love the feeling of ripping up paper, don’t you?). If I was using a pencil, I didn’t like doing a lot of erasing, so I’d just throw out the whole picture. I did this over and over again. I remember doing this from about age nine on, but I’m sure it started earlier.

Over time, there were some things I was perfectionistic about besides drawing, such as baking cookies (funny, I just realized that I also started baking cookies around the age of nine), and some things I could care less about, such as making sure my homework was perfect before turning it in. I have never been a fan of homework and the quicker I got it done and turned it in, the better. For example, I may not like homework, but if I was in a class that I liked, with a teacher that I liked, I’d work harder to make sure that every essay I turned in was good, and preferably great. I didn’t mind spending more time on things that mattered to me and that I thought mattered to people that I liked, loved, or respected.

I also learned early on not to throw out a batch of cookies if they didn’t turn out the way I wanted them to. First, my parents would have killed me–they both grew up very poor in Taiwan and were very against wasting food of any kind–and second, my cousins came over one time after I had baked a batch of cookies that I thought were subpar, and they ate them up and liked them. That’s when I realized that what’s not up to snuff for me could be something that someone else really likes or values.

Realizing that I’m perfectionistic about things I care about, and not perfectionistic about things I don’t care about, was a huge relief when I was in my 20’s. I thought, oh thank God, this means I won’t end up with OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). Now, I know that this is not true–OCD is an anxiety disorder that involves thoughts, images, or behaviors that occur over and over again and feel out of one’s control, and are caused by various factors that may or not have anything to do with perfectionism–but at the time, it made me feel better.

Because here’s the rub.

I want to be perfectionistic about some things.

Specifically, I want to be a perfectionist about writing.

I used to be ashamed of saying that I’m a perfectionist about my writing, but I’m not any more. I’m okay with it now because I realize that no matter how much I like to perfect my writing, I love finishing just a little bit more. It’s my safety button that will keep me from going off the cliff of always perfecting and never finishing. If you’ve read my past posts, you already know that my Myers-Briggs type is ENFJ. The J side of me, the Judgement side, loves closure. So, no matter how nit-picky I get about my story, characters, plot, and prose, I will eventually make my perfectionism step aside, and after getting as much help as I can with my writing–thank God for beta readers, editors, and proofreaders–I will finish.

When I first started planning to be an author back in 2015, I thought I’d focus on production, not promotion. I had read all kinds of blogs by self-published authors who had written at least ten books over a short period of time–publishing anywhere from two to four or more books per year–and were making a living selling those books on Amazon and other online bookstores. I thought, how awesome is that? I can do that!

But, as the last 19 months of full-time writing have shown me, I don’t have the capacity to pump out several books a year. I haven’t even been able to produce one book a year. I need more time to hone my craft and my stories. And the deeper I get into the craft of writing, the more I realize that I need more time to create novels that satisfy me, thrill me, and make me proud for years to come. I want to feel great about every book that I release. Really great.

Is it crazy to want that? Is it perfectionistic?

Yes. And yes.

And I’m okay with that.

Peg Cheng is the author of The Contenders, a middle-grade novel centered on the question, can enemies become friends? She is currently writing another novel that is a re-imagining of the Snow White fairy tale set in 1980s Seattle. Peg is also a writing coach giving help, encouragement, and feedback to writers from all walks of life.

Art by Sveta Dorosheva.

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Vlog #1! How to Feel the Fear & Write Every Day

I’m excited to present to you my first ever VLOG! That’s a video blog post!

As I mentioned in this post, I’m now recording vlogs in addition to writing blog posts. It’s a way to shake myself up, have fun creating something with Marcus, and most importantly, to share things I’ve learned in a visual and auditory way, rather than just in writing.

It seemed right to make my first video about something that I deal with every day: feeling fear and writing anyway. I hope you find it helpful (and maybe even funny).

Peg Cheng is the author of The Contenders, a middle-grade novel centered on the question, can enemies become friends? She is currently writing another novel that is a re-imagining of the Snow White fairy tale set in 1980s Seattle. Peg is also a writing coach giving help, encouragement, and feedback to writers from all walks of life.

 

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What I Learned at Camp NaNoWriMo 2017

Camp NaNoWriMo ended on Monday. I wasn’t planning on taking the rest of the week off from writing but due to a family member’s health issue, I ended up doing just that. It was a good thing because I needed the break and my relative needed the love and support.

But during these last five days, I got the shakes. I felt antsy and restless. I wondered if I needed to exercise? Yep, that helped. But the feeling persisted. Is my blood sugar low? Yes, and eating helped. But still, I had the shakes. That’s when I realized it’s because I hadn’t written. Writing is such a habit now that if I don’t do it, I go into withdrawal. FRIENDS, THIS IS AWESOME.

If getting this no-writing-withdrawal was the only thing I got out of Camp NaNoWriMo, I’d consider that a TOTAL WIN, but that’s not the only thing I got from this month-long, virtual writing retreat experience. Let me share what else I received this past month by recapping the five game-changing things I did to prepare for camp this year.

#1 GAME-CHANGER: HOSTING MY OWN CABIN WAS AWESOME

Hosting my own cabin–the Badass Honey Badgers–was so worth it. I wanted to be with writers who like to support other writers, and receive support in return, and that’s exactly what happened. There were 15 of us and most of us posted updates regularly on the camp bulletin board and also gave each other support. I went online almost every day to see what my fellow campers had posted, and took time to respond back. Those few minutes I put in every day reaped excellent benefits. It kept everyone more engaged, and it kept me more engaged. One camper even said that she’d participated in Camp NaNoWriMo ten times (ten!) but she’d never been in a cabin that was this active and supportive. Thanks to Kat and all my campers for your honest updates, helpful thoughts, and kind encouragement. Write on, Honey Badgers!

#2 GAME-CHANGER: MY DAILY WRITING SCHEDULE KEPT ME ON TRACK

My Daily Writing Schedule included the day and date, my goal(s) for each day, and space to indicate whether I reached that goal. I’m glad I listened to myself and set realistic daily goals–writing 1-2 chapters per day worked out just right. Speaking of realistic, I had scheduled four days off but ended up taking off eight. Lesson learned. Whatever amount of time off you think you need, double it. Having a Daily Writing Schedule helped me so much that I just created another one for August and September. I’m happy to have discovered a writing tool that will now help me for the rest of the year.

#3 GAME-CHANGER: TRAINING BEFOREHAND HELPED A LOT

I set goals in my Daily Writing Schedule and started working on them more than a week before the start of camp. I did this because I knew that I needed to create a habit out of writing one chapter or more before I went to camp. It worked. Big thanks to my therapist for helping me get on the habit-forming bandwagon and also helping me strategize the best way to do that.

#4 GAME-CHANGER: NOT MAKING MORE COMMITMENTS WAS EASIER THAN I THOUGHT

“I can’t, I’m doing Camp NaNoWriMo” was my mantra for July, but I didn’t actually have to say it to anyone. I just kept it in mind and didn’t add anything new to my schedule. And while I tried to not plan more events or get-togethers for July, if I was finished with my writing for the day, I felt free to get together with friends on the fly. As you read under Game-Changer #2, I scheduled four days off, but ended up taking eight days off. I now know that it’s a good idea to schedule more days off than you think you need so that you don’t feel guilty when you do have to take time off. Next time, I’m going to schedule eight days off from the start.

#5 GAME-CHANGER: LOGIC AND DESIRE HELPED ME SET A MORE REALISTIC GOAL

Last year, I set 30,000 words as my goal for my first draft and I wrote 10,000 words. This year, my goal was to write/revise 35,250 words of my novel’s second draft and I ended up writing/revising 22,212 words. Am I disappointed I didn’t reach my goal? A little, but not much. The work I did helped me see what was right and wrong about Acts 1 and 2 of my novel. I now know what I need to do to write a much better, and more suspenseful, novel. Next year, I think I’ll be even better at setting my writing goal. That said, seven out of 15 of my fellow campers reached or exceeded their set goal, including my friends Edgy, Jeanie, and Sandy. (Read Jeanie’s great post about her camp experience here.) Go, Honey Badgers!

CAMP NANOWRIMO: GO OR NO GO NEXT YEAR?

To recap, I more than doubled the amount of words I wrote/revised last year at camp, discovered a writing tool that’s going to help me in the future, felt supported and encouraged by my cabin mates, and loved supporting and encouraging them as well. In fact, helping other writers gave me such a boost that I’m realizing even more that I need to incorporate it on a regular basis into my writing life. Most importantly, writing every day now feels like a habit. If I don’t write, I go into withdrawals. I’m thrilled about this. That’s five benefits in one month. Two or three would have convinced me, but five?! Heck yeah, Camp NaNoWriMo is a GO. Hope to see you there next year!

Peg Cheng is the author of The Contenders, a middle-grade novel centered on the question, can enemies become friends? She is currently writing another novel that is a re-imagining of the Snow White fairy tale set in 1980s Seattle. Peg is also a writing coach giving help, encouragement, and feedback to writers from all walks of life.

 

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Remembering My Pop-in-Law and Changes for 2017

2017 got off to a rocky start with my pop-in-law, Mr. Mark, getting very sick in January, and then dying in March. You never truly know how the death of someone is going to effect you until it happens. And even when it does happen, the effects can continue to change over time.

While Mr. Mark was sick, and after he died, I ate a lot of Mr. Mark foods. I ate more ice cream, burgers, fries, cheese, mayo, and cookies than I have in years, since I was a child. I did this because, let’s face it, those foods are comforting, and because I felt like I was honoring his memory by eating his favorite foods.

Another reason I ate all these foods is because I thought if Mr. Mark can eat these foods all the time and live to 84, why can’t I? ‘Course he had all sorts of health issues, and I have a host of them myself, different ones than the ones he had, but why can’t I enjoy myself by eating whatever I want? Life’s too short. Or life is long and why not enjoy yourself while you can?

But after four months of eating like this, my health started to falter. You see, my body has a hard time digesting dairy, wheat, and sugar. I visited Mr. Mark’s grave on Memorial Day and told him I was going to take better care of myself. And, over time, I finally stopped eating those foods. For about a month, I felt better. Then I went back on them after attending another memorial for him in his hometown of Chico, California. Now, I’m back to trying to get off of them again. It’s hard. But I’m trying.

What I realize more and more is that life is one big experiment. You try one thing, it works. You try it again, it doesn’t work. You try something different and it’s a grand success. You try something else and it’s an epic fail. So, you go back to the drawing board and you try again. And again. And again. I don’t mind the trying. But I do get upset when I stop trying or when it takes me too long to stop doing something that isn’t working. I’m trying to look at my mistakes as a learning opportunity, not a failure, and I’m trying to be more forgiving of myself.

Speaking of trying, here I am in the last half of 2017, and I’m looking ahead and feeling way more optimistic about trying some new things and starting up again some old things. The grieving for Mr. Mark hasn’t ended, but it’s reached a point where it’s not on me like a low-grade fever or like carrying a 5-pound bag of sugar with me everywhere I go.

When I look ahead, the number one thing I see myself doing is getting out in the world more. I know Mr. Mark would have supported that. I straddle the line between being an Extrovert and an Introvert (if you’re wondering, I’m ENFJ) but my pop-in-law was an Extra-Extrovert. Keeping that in mind, here are some goals that I’d like to go for during the last five months of 2017.

Goal #1: Keep teaching workshops and retreats for writers and creatives.
So far, I’ve taught a Writers Wellness Retreat in March, and co-taught a Poetry Makerspace Workshop with Marcus in May. In September, I’m thrilled to be teaching a workshop on Fear and Writing for the Seattle Public Library’s Seattle Writes Program. In October, I plan on teaching a workshop on Creating a Sustainable Writing Practice. If that goes well, I might teach it again in November. Lastly, I want to teach another Poetry Makerspace Workshop with Marcus in December. If you live in the Seattle area, I hope to see you at some of these events.

Goal #2: Start blogging once a week again.
This time last year, I had written 24 blog posts. This year, this post included, I’ve written just 12. I want to start blogging once a week again. It’s not a quantity thing, but more of a quality of life thing. I stopped blogging weekly because I wanted to have more time to work on my novel. But what I discovered after seven months of not blogging weekly is that I miss it. While I have worked more on my novel, I’m not sure I wouldn’t still have done that even if I had kept blogging every week. You see, I blog for myself as much as I blog for other people. Blogging gives me a regular way to reflect on what I’ve learned, or what I want to learn. It helps me, and it’s valuable to my self-care. So, whether it takes away time from my novel writing or not, I want to keep doing it. Every week. Hope you enjoy the more regular blogging that will be coming your way.

Goal #3: Start using videos in my blog.
Some people call this vlogging. I want to start creating blog entries with videos instead of writing them all. I was inspired when I discovered the videos of awesome illustrator Fran Meneses (aka. Frannerd). Frannerd seems to have so much fun with her videos, while also giving people helpful information about illustrating, and it reminded me of when I ran my law school consulting business, Prelaw Guru, and made quite a few videos and then found that prelaw students loved them. I like sharing my learning in a verbal and visual way instead of just in written form so I’m looking forward to creating videos on writing and the writing life. Thankfully, Marcus has volunteered to help me with my videos (he helped me film and edit the ones I did for Prelaw Guru) and I have a feeling we’re going to have a lot of fun making them. So, stay tuned for some videos coming your way.

Goal #4: Find other ways to make money.
It’s taken me 18 months of full-time writing to realize that depending or expecting my novel writing to make me money not only fills me with massive amounts of guilt (what if I can’t do it and Marcus has to keep supporting me for years and years?) and fear (what if I can’t do it no matter how hard I try?), but it also limits my creativity. I want to create works that I love. I hope that other people love them too but I can’t count on that. All I can do is create the best work I can possibly create, and then work on getting it out there. I’m not an artist that gets mad when other people don’t “understand” my work. My goal is to create stories that are understood so much that people can’t help but tell their family and friends about them. Still, I’m not writing stories that I think will sell. I’m writing stories that I most want to tell. Because I find writing both glorious and hard, I need to write stories that appeal to me, otherwise it’s not worth the thousands of hours of unpaid work I put into it. So, while I do hope my books sell well enough someday to support me, I’m researching some options right now that will help me make money while I get better at my craft. I’m not going to reveal them right now but I will someday.

I wasn’t planning on it–I was trying to make today a day of relatively “clean eating”–but I ate an orange-chocolate-chip cookie this afternoon that was so good, I cried out with glee. I think Mr. Mark would have loved it. I was given this cookie (it was the last one) at a document-shredding event at my bank (thanks WSECU), I have no idea where they got it, and I’m not sure if I want to know because then I’d be there all the time. As I move forward, I realize I don’t have to cut out every single Mr. Mark food from my diet, I just have to savor the ones that I do have, the few times that I have them. I can remember him in other ways that have nothing to do with food but can be just as satisfying. I know he’d support that. For the rest of 2017, my work is cut out for me: remember Mr. Mark in healthy ways, take good care of myself, get out in the world more, and keep on trying.

Peg Cheng is the author of The Contenders, a middle-grade novel centered on the question, can enemies become friends? She is currently writing another novel that is a re-imagining of the Snow White fairy tale set in 1980s Seattle. Peg is also a writing coach giving help, encouragement, and feedback to writers from all walks of life.