Life Advice

So many discoveries come to me while I’m doing something mundane. Does that ever happen to you? This discovery happened as Marcus and I were driving to Costco this week.

The path is the gift.

I said this sentence aloud in the car because Marcus and I had been watching season after season of the TV cooking competition Top Chef and we both noticed how so many of the contestants would say that being away from their jobs and their families for a month to be on the show would only be worth it if they won Top Chef.

Chef after chef said this during every single season. It baffled me.

If I met these chefs, this is what I would ask them.

Have you already won just by being chosen for Top Chef?

Does cooking your best food alongside other talented chefs make it worth it?

Could it be possible that winning Top Chef is the icing and not the cake?

Is it possible that this process is the prize?

Talking about the Top Chef contestants with Marcus made me realize that if I don’t like what I’m doing right now, then why am I still self employed?

If I don’t like what I’m doing every day–a schedule that I control–I should get a job where I don’t have control over my daily schedule. I already know what that’s like and I got a regular paycheck too. Right now, I often do things that I don’t like to do and I often don’t get paid either.

Where’s the logic in that?

When I stand back and think about it, where I’m currently at in my life is like being chosen to be a contestant on Top Chef.

I’ve made it to this amazing place of being self employed and having freedom over my daily schedule. So many people never get here. But by the grace of the Universe and a lot of luck and privilege, I’m here!

I AM HERE.

Instead of torturing myself with so many minute tasks that cause annoyance, fear, and doubt, I’m going to turn things around…and upside down.

The path is the gift.

I thought I had found my dream path when I became a full-time writer in 2016. But then I fell into a pattern of procrastinating, fearing, doubting, and feeling like getting an agent and having my novels traditionally published was the key to success. Even when it felt like pulling teeth, I still went after this path for three years, thinking it was the only way.

But it wasn’t.

I’m unlearning what I’ve learned my whole life.

For the majority of my life I thought I had to do things that I didn’t like to do in order to get a big prize at the end.

School was like this. Not so much K-6, but starting in seventh grade, I started to feel like I was only going to junior high so I could do well in high school, so I could get into a good college, and so I could get a good job, and on and on.

Then work became like school.

Do this job so you can get this other better job. Do this better job so you can get that even better job. Do all this while trying to make more money. Make more money so you can save for retirement. Work and save money for 40 years so that you can retire and finally do what you really want to do.

No wonder they call it a rat race!

I may be baffled by the chefs on Top Chef, but for much of my life, I have been just like them. Like many of them, I was only willing to spend time on something if and only if I won at the end. I was willing to be in the rat race if and only if I won the cheese at the end.

I’m realizing now that the prize isn’t at the end.

The prize is right now.

As so many people have said before me, the present moment is the gift.

My prize is using my mind, body, and soul to express myself. My prize also involves being of service to people through communication, connection, and transformation.

I’m currently standing at the intersection of public service and creative expression. I’m not totally sure what’s next, but I do know that some old ways of doing things have got to go in order for new things to come in.

Another thing I know is that my path lies somewhere in my past, back to when I was a kid and used to while away the hours drawing, writing, and making up stories with my brother and my stuffed animals. I need to walk backwards for a while in order to walk forwards.

Walking the path is disconcerting, exciting, and often confusing, but I’m okay with it. I’m okay with the twists and turns and plateaus because I now know this is all part of it. This is why I’m here.

The path is the gift.

Peg Cheng is the author of The Contenders, a novel that asks, can enemies become friends? She is currently writing a book about how to retire as a millionaire even if you make a modest income. Peg is also the creator of Fear & Writing, a workshop for procrastinating writers from all walks of life.

Photo: Path by Seljalandsfoss in Iceland by Peg Cheng (that’s me).

 

I’d never heard of a God Box until I read Outrageous Openness by Tosha Silver. Tosha describes it as a place where you can place your worries and concerns. You write them on a piece of paper and place them inside the box. Once the worry or concern is out of your mind and body, and down on paper, you feel less burdened and more free.

Now, anyone who knows me knows that I was raised without any religion nor belief in any particular god and I’m grateful for that. I don’t engage in organized religion, though I’m fine that other people do. So, having a God Box seemed to me to be a good mental health exercise rather than a chance to convene with the Divine.

I tried it for the first time last October and was surprised by how many worries came pouring out. I think I wrote something like twelve notes that first time. It felt good to write each one. After folding each note into a small square, it also felt good to place it into my designated God Box (a beautiful ceramic bowl with lid made by Tacoma-based artist, Reid Ozaki).

Tosha wrote in her book that it’s helpful to keep putting in more notes, even if it’s the same note, as long as you continue to have the worry or concern. It’s good to write down the worry as if it’s been taken care of.

So, I kept at it.

Then, about a month later, something happened that made me rethink everything.

One note I put in my God Box was regarding a relative I’d had issues with for years. Things had become so bad between us that we didn’t see each other for a year (this is someone I used to see regularly, every month). Four years ago, there was a general malaise building between us, and then suddenly, one interaction sent us both over the edge. It didn’t seem like our relationship would ever recover.

Nearly four years later, I wrote the following on a piece of paper on October 18, 2018 and put it into my God Box.

Divine Spirit, please release my karma with XXXXXXX by forgiving her and myself. Free me from anger, bitterness, and resentment. You alone are my complete source for abundance and compassion.

Within four weeks, an opportunity came up that would allow my relative and I to spend some time together, just the two of us.

At first, I was anxious and wanted to say no. We hadn’t spent time alone, just the two of us, for nearly four years. We avoided each other at family gatherings–quite challenging since they’re usually very small–but this was a chance to spend about an hour or so with each other doing some shopping, and after mulling it over, I said, yes.

Guess what?

It went well.

It actually felt like our interactions had felt like before the rift began. It was even, dare I say it, more friendly than before. I was shocked. Truly shocked.

This happened the week before Thanksgiving.

Then, remarkably, Thanksgiving went well too.

The next month at our Christmas gathering–which had been rife with tension in the past, sometimes between me and this relative, and other times between other family members–the day was cordial and friendly, with many laughs.

It felt like a small miracle. (I say “small” because in the grand scheme of things, it is small, but to my life, it felt huge.)

In the new year, I dug through all the folded-up slips of paper in my God Box and found the note I had written on October 18th. Reading it filled me with a sense of wonder and renewed faith.

Perhaps writing the note had shifted the way I approached my relative?

Perhaps she could sense it and responded in kind?

Perhaps she had reached a point in her life where she wanted to forgive and move on too?

I don’t know.

All I know is if the Divine could have given me a bigger gift for the holidays last year, I don’t know what it could have been. This was a gift that I didn’t know was even possible and I wrote it down without much hope that it would come true. Believe it or not, it came true.

It stopped me in my tracks. It made me realize that whether writing notes to a God Box was a good mental health exercise or a way to convene with the Divine, it didn’t matter. I just knew I was going to keep doing it. And, I have.

Have you ever had a God Box or something like it? Do you write down your worries for the Universe to work on? Did anything change for you?

ps. I bought my covered bowl from Reid Ozaki at the annual Tacoma Studio Tour before I knew what I was going to use it for. I was just drawn to it and bought it. Later, when I read Outrageous Openness and came across the chapter about God Boxes, I realized it was the perfect vessel to hold my worries.

Peg Cheng is the author of The Contenders, a novel that asks, can enemies become friends? She is also the creator of Fear & Writing, a workshop for procrastinating writers from all walks of life.

Photos of God Box by Peg Cheng. Photo of Peg & Reid Ozaki by Marcus Donner.

I was all set to write about the top 10 things no one tells you about being a full-time writer when I was hit with a Universe Wake-Up Call. So, you know I had to switch gears and tell y’all about it.

I applied for a job.

Full-time. 9 to 5. Monday through Friday. Yep, one of those deals. If you read my last post on money, you know that I’m set for retirement. But, and this is a big BUT, I still need to earn an income for the next 23 years. Writing, selling my novel and Fear & Writing course, and teaching a few workshops is not bringing home the bacon. Let’s be frank, it’s not even bringing home bacon bits.

The job was to work as an academic and career advisor at a community college. I have 15+ years of experience in this area. It was work I’d done before and enjoyed. I thought it was a great match.

I worked hard on my resume and application, then I met up with a friend who’s the director of advising at a different community college to get her advice. She gave me great tips and encouraged me to go for it (thank you, Emily). So, I did. I applied.

Part of me was happy that I had applied and done the best job that I could on the application. But part of me wondered, should I stay self employed?

About a month before, I had written this on a piece of paper and placed it in my God Box.

Divine Spirit, If I am meant to stay self employed, show me the way to work and daily practices that will help me build a joyful, kind, nourishing, gratifying, fulfilling, and financially rewarding life and career. I am ready. If self employment is not right for me at this time, lead me to the right job(s). Thank you!

About a week later, I found the advisor job, and wrote this.

Divine Spirit, The right job is waiting for me. I find it, apply well and on time, am called for (an) interview(s) and do extremely well at them. The salary offered to me is a great match for my skills and experience. The path to the perfect job for me is already set. I am ready to walk the path.

Two weeks later–a week before I applied for the job–I wrote this.

Divine Spirit, I am trying to choose between getting a job and doing multiple streams of income. Please show me the right path. I am open to receiving your guidance and wisdom.

I’ve struggled with this question for a while. This job was not the first I’ve applied for. In fact, it wasn’t until today that I realized that it was the ninth job I’d applied to in my nine years of self employment. Nine in nine. I know. There’s some symbolism there.

Anyway, these worries had been keeping me up at night. So, I decided to give it up to the Universe, the Divine, whatever you want to call the Higher Power if you believe in that (it’s okay if you don’t). I stopped grasping for an answer and surrendered it.

Well, dear readers, that’s when things started to happen.

First, right before the job ad closed, I got word from the company I’ve been working for on a very part-time basis that I was being promoted from local event producer to regional event producer. That meant instead of coordinating three photography workshops a year, I was now going to produce TWELVE workshops a year. And not just in Seattle, but in Portland and San Francisco too. Travel costs paid. Even better, my hubs Marcus is a photo coach for these workshops so we’d get to travel and work together TWELVE times in this next year.

I was ecstatic!

But I wasn’t all the way home yet.

The money I’d earn through this gig was better than last year, but it still wasn’t enough for a “good enough” part-time job. It was more like a good enough quarter-time job.

I still wondered, maybe I should still get a job?

I offered that up to the Universe again. I prayed in the shower. (I admit it, that’s when I usually pray.) Help me find the right path.

I figured I had at least two months to figure it out. You see, it can take months for colleges to run their selection process.

The application deadline was May 10. It usually takes one month for them to pick who they want to interview–so I might hear from them by June 10. Then, interviews would take another month. I figured that if I got an interview and went through the process, I might know if I had the job by July 10.

Like I said, two months to decide which way to go.

Nope.

The Universe had other plans.

Yesterday, while I was meeting with Jenny, my self-employment coach, an email was sent to me from the community college. When I arrived home, I opened it and it said, “This email is to let you know that you have not been selected to interview for the position. We received applications from many well-qualified individuals, which meant making difficult choices among excellent candidates.”

For a second, I was in shock. 15+ years of experience and I didn’t get even an interview?!

Then, I started laughing like a crazy person.

Marcus asked me what was wrong and I read him the email.

He started laughing too.

You see, I had returned home from my meeting with Jenny with a new business idea. I was excitedly telling Marcus about it when I sat down at my computer and opened my email. That’s when it hit me.

I applied for a job and the Universe said, “AWW, HELL NO!”

Not maybe you’ll have to make a hard decision between a job and being self-employed. No, not maybe. Just, AWW, HELL NO!

With that email, the Universe said, you’re not even going to get the chance to try for that job.

I can’t imagine what strings the Universe had to pull to make the community college get back to me so fast. That email came less than four days after the ad closed, three days after receiving the promotion to regional producer, and on the same day (the same dang HOUR, people! I checked the time stamp on the email!) that I met with my coach and discovered a new business that I want to do.

Do you believe in messages from the Divine?

Well, I do.

With these three events, the Universe said this to me.

You’re going to stay self employed and produce those fun photography workshops on the west coast. You’re going to start a new business. And, last but not least, you’re going to keep writing. That’s right, girl. You’re going to keep writing. That’s what you’re going to do. So stop applying to jobs, Peg, and get going!

Thank you, Universe.

I hear you loud and clear.

And, I’m finally listening.

Peg Cheng is the author of The Contenders, a novel that asks, can enemies become friends? Peg is also the creator of Fear & Writing, a workshop for procrastinating writers from all walks of life.

Photo: Milky Way behind a full-scale replica of Stonehenge near Maryhill, Washington by Marcus Donner.