Peg Cheng

Author + Teacher

Life Advice

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How I Stopped Being a Goals Junkie

Salvation by Natsuki Otani

I admit it. I’m a goals junkie.

For me, not setting goals is like not wanting to read. It’s the strangest, most unnatural thing for me. You see, I love setting goals–at the beginning of the year, throughout the year, at the end of the year, whenever. I love dreaming about the future.

For years, this tactic helped me. More than that, it helped me survive.

When I was going through hard times–which was more often than you think–planning for the future gave me hope. Having goals was like keeping my eyes focused on a shimmering pool of water that was in the distance across a parched, harsh desert. Sometimes the pool was a mirage, just like some of my goals, but sometimes it was a deeply rejuvenating well of fresh water, as were some of my goals when I reached them.

But last year, I didn’t set any goals due to all the sadness, pain, and anger happening in my life. I thought I’d just survive, get through the year, make it out alive.

It’s crazy when I think back on 2017. It was a horrible year on so many fronts–both personally and politically–and yet, I did more than I ever thought I would.

I read 48 books.

I finished the second and third drafts of my suspense novel, SEVEN DUDES.

I coached 11 clients, had an epiphany, and closed my writing coaching business at the end of October.

I taught five times–at a Writers Wellness Retreat in March, a Poetry Makerspace Workshop in May, a Fear & Writing Workshop in September, and at two Pacific Lutheran University Freshman Writing Seminars in November.

What helped me do all this?

I set daily habits instead of goals.

It was hard. It was not natural to me. But focusing on my daily life, rather than the future, was all I could do to get through this last year, and remarkably, it ended up helping me.

I became more mindful of my thoughts–both good ones and disturbing ones–and I became more aware of my emotions. I allowed myself to feel more of my feelings, and thus, felt more at peace. People always think it’s the opposite–as in, if I feel more, than I will feel less at peace. It might feel that way at first, but after you really feel your emotions, you can actually let them go, and then peace settles in.

Being mindful and feeling my emotions helped me to become a more healthy person, even though I did gain 12 pounds from eating my feels for the first seven months of the year. I knew I was doing it but I didn’t feel like stopping. Live and learn, girl, live and learn.

So, like last year, I’m not setting any goals for this year, but I am setting habits. Here are the DAILY HABITS I want to start, or keep doing, in 2018.

  1. Meditate for 10 minutes
  2. Create for 20 minutes
  3. Read for pleasure for 20 minutes
  4. Exercise for 20 minutes
  5. Sleep for 8 hours

These are all minimums. I can, of course, do more of these habits on a daily basis, and most days, I do. But, I wanted to set the minimum times for each habit so that even on the most crazy and hectic days, I can still feel good that I did the things that make me feel at my best.

2018 is here. Will it be a better year than 2017? I don’t know. But I do know this: I’m living my days the way I want to live my life. And that’s something.

Peg Cheng is the author of The Contenders, a middle-grade novel that asks, can enemies become friends? She is currently writing another novel that is a re-imagining of the Snow White fairy tale set in 1980s Seattle. Peg is also the creator of Fear & Writing, a workshop for procrastinating writers from all walks of life.

Art: Salvation by Natsuki Otani.

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5 Things that Helped Me Get Through a Really Hard Year

Art by Elise Gravel

#1: I stopped making goals, and started making habits.
In the past, I’ve always made much bigger goals than I could ever achieve because I like reaching for the stars. But, this year, it felt wrong to do that. I was grieving, both personally and politically, and I just did not have the energy to make goals. Instead, I tried to establish good habits that would sustain me. That included trying to exercise every day, read for pleasure every day, practice self-care every day (like meditating for ten minutes), and write for at least 30 minutes every day. Over time, I got better at doing these habits, and felt a little bit better each day. My takeway? How you live your days is how you live your life.

#2: I supported arts and artists.
For me, one of the main things that makes life worth living is ART. So, this year, I put my money where my mouth is and supported artists and the arts. I went to see plays like The Odyssey (with 100+ actors!) by Public Works Seattle at the Seattle Rep, and Dragon Lady by the incomparable Sara Porkalob at the Intiman Theatre, and Howl’s Moving Castle at Book-It Theatre–all of which made me laugh, cry, and feel more alive. I saw hilarious comedians Ali Wong and Hari Kondabolu. I saw a mind-blowing remake of The Wiz by Seattle Parks and Recreation’s Teen Summer Musical. I bought lots of books, magazines, poetry, and zines. I went to Short Run Comix & Arts Festival at Seattle Center and Wordstock, the Portland Book Festival. All these things brought me joy. My takeway? Vote with your heart and your dollars.

#3: I spent time with people I cared about.
I know of 13 people who died this year, including my pop-in-law. Some were people I knew personally and others were the mothers, fathers, siblings, and friends of people I know. Death is a normal part of life, but nothing about it feels normal when it happens. All this death helped me to realize how important it is to spend time with people you care about, and, more importantly, to try to be present with people when you are together. My takeway? Enjoy time with loved ones while they’re still alive.

#4: I supported social justice events and organizations I believed in.
It’s hard to feel like you can make a difference when there’s so much going wrong in the world. But, every effort matters. Every step can lead to change. It’s like that quote by Margaret Mead: Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has. I reminded myself of all this when I marched in the Women’s March and the Black Lives Matter March; when I protested against Milo Y’s speech at the University of Washington; when I donated money to Planned Parenthood and University Beyond Bars; when I called my local politicians; and when I voted. My takeway? Vote with your voice, your feet, and your dollars. They all make a difference!

#5: I limited the amount of news I consumed.
I stopped reading our daily newspaper, and only read the articles that my husband Marcus recommended. I started reading headlines on Twitter, instead of reading more articles. If it was something I was really interested in, then I would read the article, but I was way more discerning and picky than in 2016. I stopped watching local and national news years ago, so I kept doing that. My takeaway? Protect your mind, because no one else will.

I will continue doing these five things in the new year. They helped me through this hard year and I know they will help me again, whether 2018 is difficult or not.

What about you? What things do you do to help yourself through a difficult time? Post your thoughts below. I’d love to hear from you.

Peg Cheng is the author of The Contenders, a middle-grade novel centered on the question, can enemies become friends? She is currently writing another novel that is a re-imagining of the Snow White fairy tale set in 1980s Seattle. Peg is also the creator of Fear & Writing, a workshop for procrastinating writers from all walks of life.

Art by Elise Gravel.

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Giving Up What I Love to Do

Sometimes you have to give up what you love to do in order to do what you love. And if you’re ever in a situation where you have to do that, you are very, very lucky.

I’m not trying to confuse you. I really believe this. Especially this year. Let me explain.

Some people say you have to give up what you like to do in order to do what you love. I agree with that too, but what if you don’t just like doing more than one thing, you love doing more than one thing?

What if you love doing two, three, or four different things?

For those of us with several pursuits that we love, sometimes we have to make an even harder choice.

Sometimes, you have to give up something you love to do in order to do something else that you love to do.

That is what happened to me this year.

I just removed the COACHING page from my web site. This Monday, October 30, 2017, was my last day of coaching. I have LOVED working with people one-to-one for the past 18+ years. I’ve worked with individuals as a career coach, a career counselor, an academic adviser, a prelaw adviser, a law school admissions consultant, and as a writing coach.

My students and clients have told me that they have loved working with me. Other advisers, counselors, and coaches have told me that I have a gift for working with individuals. There are times when I have felt, while being totally present with someone in a one-to-one session, that I am using my gift to its highest purpose.

I am not pointing all this out because I have a big head and need to brag about my experiences. No, I say this to explain how hard it is to give up what you love to do, especially when other people are also telling you that they love what you do.

It’s hard as hell to make a decision like this. It’s never easy. It can feel right after you’ve made the decision, but it’s never easy.

I am giving up my love for working with individuals in order to focus on two loves that I want to spend more time on: writing and teaching groups of people.

I am also giving up my love for working one-to-one with individuals in order to focus more on one of my core values: freedom. I value having freedom over my daily schedule, where I conduct business, where I live, where I travel, and how much I travel. I want more freedom, and part of fostering that means shifting to a business model that does not involve having set appointments with individuals every week.

It’s scary to make a change.

This fall, I’m rethinking everything. My business. My business mission. My purpose. My daily schedule. How I connect with people now. How I want to connect with people in the future. How I most want to help people. What I want my legacy to be after I die. There’s A LOT going on in my mind and in my soul, and I know things will not be the same in 2018. They might not even be the same tomorrow.

But, even while I’m treading water in this existential soup, and feeling many emotions, fears, doubts, anxieties, and excitement about the future, I know it was right to close down my coaching business. Even though it made me sad to do it, I knew it was the right thing to do. Sometimes, the right thing doesn’t feel good. Not at all. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it.

I gave up doing something I loved to do in order to do something else I love to do. Some might think that’s tragic, but I don’t. Even while feeling sad, I realize I’m lucky to be able to make this decision. I am very, very lucky.

P.S. Some say the quote at the top is from Louis L’Amour, others say it’s from Anonymous. All I know is I found it while looking for quotes by Liz Gilbert. Go figure.

Peg Cheng is the author of The Contenders, a middle-grade novel centered on the question, can enemies become friends? She is currently writing another novel that is a re-imagining of the Snow White fairy tale set in 1980s Seattle. Peg is also the creator of Fear & Writing, a workshop for procrastinating writers from all walks of life.

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Love Makes It Worth It

Art by Natsuki Otani

My friend Jared’s blog post on running, For the love of it, inspired me to write this post today. I don’t like to run. I don’t understand why so many people do it. But Jared’s blog helped me understand why he does it. He does it because he loves it. That made sense to me.

You see, I’ve read many articles about writing where the author says you must love it in order to keep doing it. They also say that to write mainly because you think it will make you money is foolish and unrealistic. For a long time, I disagreed with these authors. I thought, I’m not just doing this for my health! Of course, I want to make money. But now, after being a full-time writer for almost a year and a half, I have to agree with them. After writing regularly day after day, week after week, I now understand what they mean.

It’s hard to keep doing something that you receive no feedback on, and no income from. To keep doing it, day in and day out, you have to derive some pleasure or joy or satisfaction from it. If you love it, even better.

There are many days when I don’t “love” writing. I dread it. I avoid it. I do anything else except sit down and do it. But I know that all of that comes from fear. It’s not because I don’t love to write. It’s because I so want to communicate my stories well that fear envelops me and makes me worry that I won’t be able to do it. It’s the fear of not being good enough skill-wise that makes me procrastinate. Happens all the time. And from what I read, it happens to all writers.

But love draws me back. And keeps me at it.

LOVE.

It’s the feeling I get when I’m so engrossed with writing that times flies. I don’t drink. I don’t eat. I don’t even get up to use the bathroom. I think that it’s only been an hour, but it’s actually been three. When I come out of that time, I feel good tired. I feel like I gave it my all. There’s nothing like it.

Now, many days, writing is not like that. Most days, it’s just work. Some days, it feels like a slog. But I live for those days when writing is like diving into an ocean of perfectly warm water that wraps around me like a liquid blanket of love.

I’m realizing more and more that love is the key to creating a life and career that’s fulfilling. For example, I’ve put on two writing events this year: a Writers Wellness Retreat (thanks, Jeanie, for your awesome post about the retreat!) and a Poetry Makerspace Workshop, and I LOVED both of them. I loved coming up with the idea, creating the agenda, buying the materials, finding a space for the event, writing notes for my presentation, welcoming the participants, and teaching on the actual day. I loved every step of the process.

This hasn’t been true of events in the past. I’ve realized it’s because 97% of past events were ones that I was instructed to do (like at a job), or ones I felt that I had to do (like for my business). It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy these events or get value from them–I did–but they didn’t fill me with love and joy.

Some of you may be thinking, that’s really woo-woo, Peg. Some of us have no choice but to put on the events that are assigned to us, otherwise we wouldn’t be able to pay the bills. Yes, I understand that, and yes, it may be woo-woo, but until you feel it, really feel what it’s like to actually LOVE every step of a process, I don’t know if you can truly understand what I mean. When you feel that love, you will do whatever it takes to keep that feeling going. When you’re in the flow, you know it, and you know that you have to repeat it again. It can lead to negotiating with your boss a way to keep putting on events that really matter to you. It can lead to you finding a different job where you can do more of what you love to do. It can lead to you not getting a new job, but dropping activities on the weekend that don’t matter as much to you so you can do more of the one that does.

Love keeps me going, not the money.

Truth be told, I made some money at my retreat, and none on my poetry workshop. I’m okay with that. Like my writing, I put on these events because I want to, because I love it, and because, yes, someday, I think they will be a decent source of income. But in the meantime, I’m gaining skills, learning my craft, helping people, helping myself, and feeling the love.

So, all those writers that wrote those “you have to love it” articles, that I scoffed at in the past, were right. Like I said earlier, I used to think, “I’m not just writing for my health, I want to make money on this!” But now I know, I am writing for my health. Over the years, I’ve discovered that if you don’t do the things you love, you start to deteriorate on the inside. And invariably, your health starts to suffer. But when you do what you love on a regular basis, your health improves. In fact, everything improves.

I started this blog to share my writing journey and to build my writing career. I try to be as honest as possible.

So, hear me out. Let me be brutally honest right now.

If you’re thinking of going into writing mainly for the money, please don’t. We don’t need any more sad writers who had to “give up their dream” because they didn’t make money on it.

Give yourself a chance to write regularly without money being a factor. Write a blog post a week (go, Edgy!), write the chapters of your memoir on the weekend (go, Karen!), write as many pages as you can during those moments of time snatched from your busy life (go, Jeanie!).

Write regularly. That’s key.

Then, years later, even if you don’t make money on it, or even if you do, you will still have what was most important to begin with: that you wrote for the love of it. You can’t replace that feeling with all the money in the world.

Peg Cheng is the author of The Contenders, a middle-grade novel centered on the question, can enemies become friends? She is currently writing another novel that is a re-imagining of the Snow White fairy tale set in 1980s Seattle. Peg is also a writing coach giving help, encouragement, and feedback to writers from all walks of life.

Art by Natsuki Otani.

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The Power to Choose

white_rabbit_watchMy 45th birthday is just around the corner. 45 feels more like midlife to me than 40 did. I look back at myself at 40 and think, “Oh, kid, what you don’t know.” I’m sure when I’m 50 I’ll look back at myself at 45 and think the exact same thing.

I hope to live until I’m at least 90. I hope to be healthy in mind and body when I get there. But even if I’m not, I hope to have one thing still.

I believe it is the most important thing.

The older I get, the more I realize that the most important thing in the world is having the freedom to choose what I do with my time.

It’s not just having time that matters. It’s having the power to do what you want with it. I could be locked in a cell like nearly 2.3 million other Americans. Having time can be torture if you’re not allowed to do what you want with it, if every minute of every hour is dictated by someone who has power over you.

With every day and every week and every year that ticks by, I’m realizing more and more that if I don’t take control over how I use my time, someone else will. And I will be living someone else’s life, not my own.

I don’t want to sleep walk through life. When I pop off at 90 or later, I want to know, and feel down in my bones, that I lived the best life I could possibly live with the time that I had.

I want to feel good about moving from living on this Earth to entering the next stage of existence (or non-existence, depending on what you believe). Even if I flip the Grim Reaper the bird on my way out, I want to feel good about it, not bitter, and maybe even skip as I exit The Building of Life.

So, how am I going to do that?

First, I need to start with what I say and think.

I say and think all the time, “I’ll do that when I have more time.”

But the thing is, I never have more time.

That’s the rub.

There never is more time.

For argument’s sake, let’s say there is more time in the future. Even if there is–say I wait until I retire at 67 to do what I’ve always wanted to do–I may have more time but not the body, mind, or energy to do what I want to do. That would really suck. But I think it happens to a lot of people.

So instead of saying, “I’ll do that when I have more time,” I’m trying to change what I say to, “I’m not going to spend time on that. I’m choosing to do this with my time.”

It makes me own up to what I’m saying and doing. Saying it this way reminds me that I’m choosing to not spend time on that thing, whatever that thing is, and it’s a reminder that I am choosing to do whatever I am doing at that moment in time.

I have the power to choose.

I am choosing to write this blog post instead of binge-watch shows on Netflix.

I am choosing to schedule get togethers and appointments after 1pm because the time from 6am-noon is crucial to my creativity, so I protect it.

I am choosing to live frugally so that I can write my novel.

Once I recognize and acknowledge that I have choice, that I’m making choices, even if they’re choices that I dislike, then I’m living the life I want to live right now. Not later or next year, but right now.

In this crazy, busy, mixed-up world, most of us can choose to choose. Not everyone can. I recognize that. But most of us can.

We can choose to realize that we are choosing to do every little thing of every minute of every day. Even when we think we have no power, just stopping and realizing that we are choosing to do what we’re doing RIGHT NOW is power identified.

So, as I get ready to blow out 45 candles (someone get the fire extinguisher!) on Monday, I want to remember this on the days that aren’t filled with flowers and well wishes. On the days when I’m full of fear, darkness, sadness, frustration, loathing, and/or hatred, or am facing days of tragedy or difficulty, I hope I can stop and remember this.

I have the power to choose.

That is enough.

Peg Cheng is the author of The Contenders, a middle-grade novel centered on the question, can enemies become friends? She is currently writing another novel that is a re-imagining of the Snow White fairy tale set in 1980s Seattle.