Jumping Off the Cliff
I’m jumping off the cliff. I said I was jumping off the cliff in February and becoming a full-time writer but I didn’t really. I edged my way to the water. Stuck a toe in. Then a leg. Then got out. Too scared. Then put a toe back in.
‘Eff it!
I’m done with all this hemming and hawing!
I’m shutting down my Prelaw Guru business in July. I’m committing to writing full time for the next ten years.
If my money runs out, I will get a job. But as long as it hasn’t run out, I’m going to keep on keepin’ on.
Dividing my time between writing and trying to run a separate business tears me apart a little bit each day. It’s a drain on my energy. It’s a drain on my creativity. I don’t want to be torn between two things any more.
People often comment on my ability to make a decision and then go for it. To turn on a dime. But they don’t realize that I agonize over big decisions for years. Not days or weeks or months. YEARS.
I’ve been seriously contemplating being a writer since 2003. This is something I’ve headed towards for 13 years. I’ve reached for it, gotten scared, avoided it like mad, then reached for it again, rinse, repeat. It’s often been two steps forward, ten steps back.
I realized that the last 13 years have been all about planning my next career move, saving up money to support myself, developing my skills, talking to people (and reading their blogs) who have made the dive into full-time writing, and then talking myself into actually making the dive.
I know many people in my life will be surprised at my decision. Some will marvel at it. Some will support it. Some will despise it but won’t tell me that. Some will show how they feel in passive-aggressive ways. It’s all part of the territory. No matter how anyone reacts, it’s alright. It’s a reflection of them, not me. This is my decision to make and the person that it most effects, my husband Marcus, is on board with it. Most importantly, I’m finally on board with it.
The water looks beautiful but it can turn choppy at any moment. I know this and still, I know I need to do it. It’s time.
Peg Cheng is the author of The Contenders, a middle-grade novel centered on the question, can enemies become friends? She is also the founder of Prelaw Guru, a law school application consulting company, and the author of The No B.S. Guides for prelaw students.
Cliff diver photo by Jarek Tuszynski. Skateboarder photo by SandroSum.