Outrageous Openness Changed My Life
I’m not a religious person. I consider myself a spiritual person, but religious? No.
In fact, one of the things I’m most grateful for from my childhood is that my parents raised me without religion. They already tried to rule my life with an iron fist, and if religious dogma had been added to that, I don’t know if I would have survived.
So, to my great surprise, I found myself relating on a deep level to a book called, Outrageous Openness: Letting the Divine Take the Lead by Tosha Silver.
This book was recommended to me by my therapist during a recent session where I confessed that thinking about when and if I’ll ever get an agent, and when and if I’ll ever sell my novel, was causing me depression and anxiety. I remember her telling me at the end of our session that I might like this book. She mentioned that it was pretty out there and kinda “outrageous,” but why not give it a shot?
A book about the Divine? Really?
Intrigued, I borrowed the book from the library and started reading it. It didn’t take long–just a few chapters–for me to realize this book was written just for me (and people like me). People who wonder, “How do I stop worrying? How can I feel safe? Why do I feel so alone?” And also, “Who am I really?”
Outrageous Openness gave me answers to many questions I’ve had throughout my life. I could relate to it on so many levels. For example, although I’m not religious, I’ve always believed in God. But, I don’t see God as this old man or old woman in the sky. When Tosha described God as the Divine Spirit that’s inside of you, not some figure in the heavens, it made so much sense.
The book also greatly appealed to me because it’s written in very short chapters. How I love short chapters! Each chapter is a story from Tosha’s life or from the life of one of her friends or former clients. I learn best through stories. We all do. Unlike many self-help or spirituality books out there, this book doesn’t focus on explaining its philosophy in an expository or pedantic way; instead it’s explained through stories, lots and lots of stories, and many of them are funny, touching, and “irreverently relevant.”
I read two to three chapters a day–only two to six pages each time–so I could really draw out and enjoy this book. It was the right pace. I was able to digest its contents and start putting Tosha’s tips to use right away.
One key tip was to take action toward what you want, but stop focusing on outcomes.
This is something I’ve been struggling with since I started writing full-time. My goals haven’t felt right, sometimes even a day after I make them. I think it’s because I’m too focused on reaching a particular outcome. For almost three years, I haven’t met my goals in the time that I set for them, and many I’ve simply discarded. But when I’ve let go of goals and outcomes, I’ve been able to move forward and accomplish things that I wanted to do (and some I didn’t know I wanted to do).
I’m so glad my therapist decided to mention this book to me. You never know how mentioning something can change someone’s life. (Remember that next time your intuition tells you to give someone a tip or a resource.)
I’m now letting the Divine take the lead. I still take action, but I’m trying to not focus on outcomes. I do what feels right. If it doesn’t feel right, I don’t do it. It takes practice. I’m finally trusting my inner Divine and it’s changed everything. A thousand thank you’s, Tosha.
Hope you’ll give Outrageous Openness a chance. Like my therapist warned, it’s pretty out there and outrageous. Then again, couldn’t we all use some more outrageousness in our lives?
Peg Cheng is the author of The Contenders, a middle-grade novel that asks, can enemies become friends? She is currently querying a novel that is a re-imagining of the Snow White fairy tale set in 1980s Seattle. Peg is also the creator of Fear & Writing, a workshop for procrastinating writers from all walks of life.
Well, Cubby, now that you mention it, there’s something I’ve been meaning to say about your rejections…
Remember when we were in the screenwriting program? One thing I heard and read from a few different writers is that you have to write three scripts before you sell anything. Someone said four, but most were three. And yes, there are the lucky ones whose first attempt gets made, but for us non-Powerball winners, it’s three.
Why? Who knows? That’s just how it is.
So now you’ve served your apprenticeship, and you’re doing exactly the right thing: moving on to the next. Still no guarantees, but you have swept the shop floor, carried wood, stoked the fire, and banged iron into story-shapes. Congratulations: stronger, wiser, more skilled, now the hard middle part begins.
I’m not sure why I didn’t mention this earlier; maybe it was just that it seemed a bit late to comment on that last blog post. (Or maybe some interior sprite of mine knew that you would read Outrageous Openness, and was telling me to hold off. Sometimes I think there’s an entire bizarre ecosystem outside of time, nestled deep beneath atoms and quarks.)
Thanks for the tip from our screenwriting program days, Edgy. I don’t remember that line. I counter with what Mark Twain said, “There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.” This tip is not really a statistic, it’s anecdotal advice, but I think you get my drift.
The tip of “write three scripts before you sell one,” or “write three novels before you sell one,” sounds good. It sounds logical. It sounds realistic. But, I don’t completely agree with it. I think with every piece of fiction you write, the next piece of fiction gets a little bit better. At least, one would hope. Everything I wrote over the course of 12 years helped me write this second novel. That included screenplays, picture books, nonfiction books, poems, hundreds of blog posts, everything.
I believe that my first novel, THE CONTENDERS, was of publishable quality. Looking back, I don’t think I tried long enough to find an agent. I got 15 rejections and I stopped. Would I have found one had I queried longer? I don’t know. Back in 2010, publishers and agents were not open to publishing main characters of color or representing underrepresented authors. It was still very much the “we already have one black/Asian/Latino/POC/GLBTQ author or book this year, we don’t need two” sentiment. It’s still that way now, although a bit better.
So, while I am moving on to a new project, I’ve learned from my experience querying THE CONTENDERS to query MORE agents this time. I’m going to keep querying because it feels right. Sometimes it makes me depressed, but it still feels right to keep doing it. The publishing landscape has changed. I have hope and faith that things will work out.
Well answered, Cubby (though for the record, I’m counting Boyfriend/Girlfriend as your first “novel”). THE CONTENDERS is definitely publishable quality. I don’t read YA fiction, but it was a page turner for me. If any of your students are reading this, I’d say pick up a copy, if only to learn how to write plot twists that reveal the characters’ deeper humanity.
I have to admit, from my white Seattle bubble, I’m surprised Eunice’s ethnicity even comes into play. She’s headstrong, smart, sensitive–a heart and a brain is all you need to relate to her. The scene where she loses a couple of friends because they’ve “advanced” to other things–namely boys–took me back to a few scenes in my own childhood: those sudden friendship-ending ruptures that kids do so ruthlessly. I’m sorry you have had to deal with that publishing quota crap.
So anyway, whether the “3 scripts” maxim is statistics, truth, myth, or hot air, it doesn’t matter. It sounds like you’re on the right path, and I wish you the best on it.